I have never wanted to have kids, I think they are really cute and fun to play with but I have no desire to birth one on my own. I think a common misconception about women that don’t want kids is we hate kids. Playing with my nieces and nephews is one of my favorite things ever. I definitely don’t hate kids and am not apposed to adopting some day. My real issue is with having a baby, not kids. I don’t want to birth something that doesn’t come with instructions, has to be manually fed, it’s only form of communication is crying, has to be held 24/7. It’s just way to labor intensive. And what’s the reward with that phase? Eventually it will sleep and I will have relief?
Eventually it will learn to smile and I will feel warm and fuzzy when it does? It just really doesn’t sound like a gratifying experience. On top of that as a woman how much it would change my life. Even if my partner decided to be a stay at home dad so I could continue my career he can’t breast feed. That means I am pumping/staying home for like 8 weeks or more. My partner being a stay at home dad only means I have the freedom to go to work “to support the family”. I want to be able to travel the world, which I hear isn’t easy to do with a little one. What about the gym and my social life? I’m not much of a homebody and I don’t want to be a deadbeat mom who just leaves dad at home all day with the baby so I can go gallivanting the town (because I totally would). I know you’re thinking “but babies change people”, I’d rather not rely on that.
I recently had a check up with my primary care physician who’s new to me. I told her “I’ve been trying to get my tubes tied since I was 22, I feel like I am old enough now that it should no longer be the doctors decision, how can I make this happen?” She said the best thing to do was just to keep making the appointment every 3 months until the say yes and gave me a referral.
Going into the doctors appointment they have you meet with someone who asks for your family history, information about your life and sexual history, just to enter it into the computer. I was surprised when asking about my partner he asked if we were monogamous and that was a standard question. After he was done he brought 2 other doctors in with him. One who was the actual doctor who would preform the procedure and the other I believe was more of a birth control/statistics consultant of some kind. Immediately they started pushing an IUD, which I have had already. I didn’t want another one because getting it put in and taken out was extremely painful, I puked when they put it in and cried on the table for 45 minutes when they took it out. After debating back and forth and the Dr kept saying “surgery isn’t painless” like 6 times I finally said “I know surgery is not painless I have had 6 major surgeries all without pain medicine other than tylonel.” (long story short Childrens hospital won’t give kids pain meds). They asked about those surgeries and it turns out the DR’s daughter also has Bilateral Club Feet and sees the same Dr at Childrens I saw. We talked about my correction experience for a while and she totally changed her tune. She said “Ok, we’ll schedule the appointment, let us know if you want them cauterized or clamped.”
I was ecstatic! They said yes and honestly I thought it was going to take a couple appointments. They scheduled me a physical evaluation for a month out, there is a 30 day waiting period and they surgery a week after the evaluation.
I had a month to think about what sterilization method I wanted and I really did minimal research. The Dr said there is no difference in terms of recovery and effectiveness it is just a preference on if I want a foreign object in my body or I want my body burned. That’s literally how she worded it. After my consult all my friends research method I decided to go with cauterizing because a clamp could at some point come loose and also I am highly allergic to latex and it would be just like me to get an allergic reaction from the inside.
At my physical evaluation they literally just checked my heart and lungs haha. Quite the physical. The nurse went over the procedure, told me to check in at 8am, don’t have anything to eat or drink after Midnight other than taking my medications the morning of. Take a shower and don’t use any soap, lotions, don’t shave, don’t wear deodorant and they gave me some wipes to wash the “area” with.
The Dr came in to go over the method I chose, she said they will make an incision in my belly button and possibly one on the right side of my stomach. I showed her my tattoo ( I have a spider on my right hip) and she said they should be able to work around that no problem. They prescribed me pain medicines to get filled before that day. The actual procedure should take about 15 minutes but expect to be there from 8am to 12pm. And I had to have a ride home.
Then I had to go see the anesthesiologist for a pre-appointment. We basically went over the same things, nothing to eat or drink after midnight. They asked a bunch of health history questions, like am I diabetic, am I a smoker, how much do I drink, ever had cancer. She said they would put me in a pre-operation room and give me Valium to relax then take me into surgery and put me under about an hour later. Can you say panic attack? I hate feeling weird, it’s why I don’t do drugs anymore and I don’t remember ever taking Valium so I was freaked out about how that was going to make me feel. She took my blood pressure right after she told me that and my heart rate was high haha. Only time a Dr has been able to make me nervous. I told her my concerns and she said don’t worry it’s an anti anxiety medicine so it will fix my worried feelings. I find it funny that I was not nervous about being put to sleep, cut opened and burned but giving me medicine while I’m awake…. oh my goodness that was a big deal to me.
And with that I was sent home with my information packet and instructions to find a ride home for my surgery 7 days later.