dating · polyamory

Online Dating And Non Monogamy

My room mate asked me if I’ve ever thought about being a relationships counselor. I actually have but I would hate to go through all that schooling. Also my views seem radical to compared to others sometimes and I don’t know how receptive people would be. So I was thinking oh yeah I have a blog, I can just blog about it. But where do you start on such a big topic? What I’m thinking is I will blog about whats going on in my dating life. Which right now happens to be that I am finding a lot of handsome monogamous boys.

Ideally I would love to date polyamorous men but lets face it even in a city like Seattle which has one of the largest communities in the country, pickins are slim. Not only are pickins slim just based on it being a niche community but poly people don’t usually look

like me. Go to any Seattle poly, swinger, sex positive event and there’s lots of open minded people but not so many that are attractive or under the age of 45. I know, I know, how shallow of me, I want to date someone who’s nice on the outside. Call me a shallow douche bag, I’ll own that, it’s fine. Personality is definitely important to me, more than looks but there is only so much wiggle room on how much personality can make up for attractiveness and my scale allows a lot of variance. So I am not worried about being called shallow.

Online dating has made it so easy to date. I put on my profile that I am in an open relationship or that I am not into monogamy and men can decide if they’re okay with it or not before we go on a date. It takes out that awkward first date conversation of “Hey, I’m seeing other people, are you cool with that?” So now I mostly date guys who are okay with me seeing other people but wouldn’t really consider a long term monogamous thing. I don’t mind so much, I’m not looking to be anything more than friends. Romantic friendships are ideal in terms of dating for me. But making it clear to men that I will never be monogamous with them usually sets us on 2 paths, either they find a nice mono girl they like and we stop talking or they get too attached, want me to be mono and I break their heart. The romantic friendships develop out of these few and far between but is so worth the trial and error. I value those men so much for their role in my life and loving me for who I am.

Lately I have been getting more of the first situation, I am dating a guy and then suddenly I stop hearing from him or he deletes his online dating profile. I know what’s happening so I ask “Find someone you like?” This is kind of a catch 22. I can’t offer monogamy so to someone who is monogamous I am temporary. I think if I was the kind of girl that crushed harder on guys I would be butt hurt about this. Not to say I never get bummed about this but it’s a chocolate chip not a whole cookie. You know when you are eating a chocolate chip cookie and sometimes one chocolate chip breaks free and drops on the ground? For a moment you’re bummed about that but it only lasts a moment. If you dropped the whole cookie you would be way more bummed.

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2 thoughts on “Online Dating And Non Monogamy

  1. Reblogged this on dave94015 and commented:
    is it possible that guys are the most resistant to CNM? This post suggests that when she dates guys they “either find a nice mono girl they like and we stop talking or they get too attached, want me to be mono and I break their heart”. What do you think?

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