dating · polyamory

Romantic Friendships

I am kind of funny when it comes to dating. I don’t want someone to be my boyfriend or try and be super involved in each others lives. There has only been one person to date that I have actually wanted to be serious with and integrate our lives in a traditional relationship kind of way. I think it’s because mostly because I’m feircly independent, I don’t want to lose my freedom. I know you’re thinking real relationships won’t cause you to lose you’re freedom. Think about it for a second, when you are in a longer term relationship can you literally just up and take a vacation to Mexico without your partner? Would they be okay without you inviting them to go also? Is that financially okay with the both of you? Would it be an issue that you didn’t talk to them about it first? Can you honestly say “Hey honey, I booked myself a trip to Mexico for a week in 3 months.” and your partner would genuinely

be happy for you and it would cause no issues? There are exceptions, in some relationships it would be totally fine and no issue but these are not the majority of the population.  Anyway, another reason is I just don’t get all coo-coo brain twitterpaited over people. Me liking a guy is usually more like OMG I love you, lets be BEST friends, not OMG I love you, lets get married. I have had lots of boyfriends, my longest relationship being 4 years, second was 3.5 but with both of them I knew it wasn’t going to be a forever thing and I had figure out how to deal with the lack of freedom until I broke up with them. I have had a lot more romantic friendships that have lasted way longer. Aside form the 4, 3.5 and 2 year boyfriends, most of the other boyfriends lasted like 3 months. Out of my romantic friendships I’ve had one ongoing for 15 years, another 9, and more than a few that lasted around 2 years. With romantic friendships there is no dramatic break up, you simply grow apart or you are only more than friends when you’re relationship stars are aligned or you live in the same area. The relationship is based mostly on friendship and the physical/romantic element adds to that and you just truly enjoy the other persons company while you have it without the pressure of Forever. You truly accept each other as you are and value the relationship you have as is. The friends I have this mutual understanding with are invaluable to me. If I had to describe what that love feels like I would say light and free but warm and fuzzy.
The divorce rate might be lower if people had more relationships like this. Think about how many times you’ve heard “we were really good friends until we started dating”. Why the pressure to be “together” seriously in the first place? Just because if you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner you are then alone? I feel like a lot of this is based on insecurity. If they’re not my partner, what if they leave? What if they start seeing someone else? IF these things do happen you were not ment to be together in that way. Trust and love yourself enough to not fear being alone. A bird does not trust a branch not to break, it’s trusts it’s own wings.