Last time I was in the dating world as a single person I was 22. Meaning I didn’t have a boyfriend or primary partner. Since then I’ve still been in the dating world but not as a single person. It’s been a roller coaster of a year with my partner and I, so I had the chance to date as a single person again recently. Being back in the dating world as a single poly person has reminded me of how mono minded the world is and how different dating is when you’re already in a relationship. It’s not that I’m advertising my intentions differently, it’s how the world receives it.
When you’re in a relationship, or at least when I am, I disclose that first along with my intentions. The other person is either ok with it or they’re not. I noticed that even though I’m not stating that I’m not interested in monogamy any differently when I’m single, it’s not
taken seriously. I had a guy tell me recently “Interesting, I think you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” This blows my mind a little. I got responses like this a lot when I was younger, people thought I would grow out of it. But I guess I had forgotten that part about dating. And at 28 I’m surprised that people still don’t take it seriously. What I said to him was “I value the freedom to choose what I do with my own body and I don’t believe that any one person can fill all of another person’s needs.” And he responded by saying I haven’t met the right guy yet. Like um I guess there is a magic man out there that will alter my whole view on love, relationships, my body and my own personal freedoms. What a guy. He probably has a 6 figure salary, a chiseled jaw line, is funny and great in the sack too. I better hold my breathe.
It’s just a crazy idea. I have a crazy idea for people who have this same opinion, what if the “right” man for me is also into non monogamy? I know I just blew your mind. I’ll give you a minute to collect yourself. I’m not the only one that’s into non monogamy. These are probably the same people who tell lesbians they haven’t met the right man.
I think given the opportunity to date as a single person again I would just tell everyone I’m in a relationship. It goes much smoother. No weird hopeless romantic guys who think they will be able to sweep me out of my brains. I am lucky enough to already have someone with the same views on love and relationships as me and wants me to have my freedom, independence and choices over my own body. There is no better feeling than to be loved for exactly who you are. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.