Being a Girl

You’re Lucky You’re Pretty

People are always willing to talk about the fun parts of being an attractive girl. How you get things like free drinks and parking. How people tell you you’re pretty all the time. How people pay attention to you. No one want’s to talk about the ugly parts because if you call yourself pretty you’re vain and if you complain about it somehow it’s invalid because not everyone gets hit on.

I had to post this on my social media the other day:

psa

Lets talk about the ugly side and what prompted me to post this. Being pretty means:

-You are told you’re pretty all the time.
-People pay way too much attention to you.
-You can’t sit in a bar or restaurant alone without someone talking to you.
-People act like they’re entitled to being in your life.
-People also feel entitled to your time because they think you’re pretty. Like you have to talk to them or give them a chance at dating.
-People say really inappropriate things to you on a regular basis.
-Your own flesh and blood family might hit on you and act like you’re not THAT related.
-People you grew up with will try and create a degree of separation with you just so they can have a chance at dating you.
-If anyone randomly wants to talk to you it’s not because you’re interesting.
-Guys say ridiculous things to you to get you to sleep with them.
-Other women will see you as threatening sometimes.
-Girlfriends and wives aren’t usually friendly.
-Being told you’re pretty or sexy feels like the only complement you ever hear.
-Guys make you feel like you’re a trophy conquest.
-People criticize you for complaining about the attention. Saying you ask for it because you wear make up or dress nice.

It becomes alienating. People make it out to be your fault, if you dress nice you are asking for the attention. If you wear make up you’re asking for it. You’re lucky because other people don’t get hit on. So for some reason you’re supposed to appreciate it when a guy sends you a message, tells you you’re beautiful and then describes in graphic detail what he wants to “do to you” based on the fully closed pictures you have of yourself on the internet.

The worst is when family or people you consider family decide that you’re attractive. That’s supposed to be your safe zone. For someone like me who most of my immediate family is dead it makes you feel like you’re never going to be genuinely important to that people. You’re just a sex object they want and since it’s clearly inappropriate they are just going to act like you’re not that related so that they don’t feel bad. Totally disregarding whatever feelings you have.

Men will also act like they are entitled to your attention or they are involved in your life. If you’re out in public and someone randomly starts talking to you and you don’t respond you get passive comments like “You can’t be friendly?” “Too stuck up to talk to me?” “You aren’t that pretty”. Maybe you just don’t feel like talking to all 10 strangers who approached you that day. It gets old. They all want to feel like they are special and different that the last guy and maybe they are but that’s up to my discretion and if I decide I don’t want to talk to someone I am not required to give them my  time. It feels desperate like the guy won’t feel good about himself unless he gets to sleep with you. Why am I a trophy for your self esteem just because I’m pretty?

Acting like they know you really well or are a part of your life drives me crazy. I had a guy say to me the other day “I’m glad I got a chance to meet your pops”. This guy and I dated very very briefly almost 10 years ago and haven’t really talked since. He also sent me stuff like he missed me. I wish I would have asked him what he missed about me, just to see what he would have said. I bet it would not have been my great math skills or my sarcasm. It would have probably been “that pretty face of yours”. If he did know me he would know that saying stuff like that really pisses me off. And bringing my dad into it (passed away 4 years ago) to try and act like he is a part of my life and extra special because of that. I obviously said something.

Being pretty you are never alone. Men pay attention to me all the time. I was at dinner the other day and dropped my phone. A man came from all the way across the room to pick my phone up for me. Even though I was sitting with a group of people and already getting out of my chair to get it. And yes that was very nice of him but this probably means he was watching me. I’ve also had guys make comments about whatever I was looking at on my phone. There is no privacy. You can’t just sit silently to yourself. Which is something you have to get comfortable with when you’re pretty. People will stare at you and find any reason to talk to you.

I don’t deserve to be harassed. I don’t deserve uninvited attention. I don’t deserve inappropriate things said about my body. It’s not okay with me and I won’t tolerate it. Don’t negate my feelings by telling me I’m lucky to be hit on. I don’t tell you you’re lucky you’re ugly. I shouldn’t be told not to wear make up if I don’t like inappropriate things said to me. I control my face, I do not control other people. It’s like saying any person wearing a football jersey is asking to get tackled. And news flash I get hit on not matter what I wear. I have taken to public humiliation as a way to send a message. If a guy says something inappropriate to me I will call him out, quote him on social media, post screen shots. Want to see them, look at my Instagram Sarah_Tarantula. Deleting comments and having a passive “don’t respond it encourages them” doesn’t work and why be silent about being harassed. If I show the whole world examples of inappropriate ways to address me then they will know not to do it in fear of being the person embarrassed.

I definitely do take advantage of being pretty, some if you might be reading this and judging me because I will post on social media about wearing a full face of make up to Home Depot so I get better service. Why wouldn’t I use that to my advantage? If genuinely needing help with something isn’t enough to get me great service but lip stick is, why wouldn’t I just put lip stick on. If I’m going to be objectified I’m take control of that and use it to my benefit.

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One thought on “You’re Lucky You’re Pretty

  1. “Don’t negate my feelings by telling me I’m lucky to be hit on. I don’t tell you you’re lucky you’re ugly.” It’s like when people say, “You’re too skinny..blah blah blah”. I don’t call you fat, so stop talking about my body and ignoring my perspective/feelings. LOVE.THIS.

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