dating · polyamory

How Does That Work?

The question I hear most when I tell people I’m in an open relationship “so how does that work?” My standard sarcastic response is “well” with a big smile on my face. But really it works like neither of us feels like monogamy is required for relationship happiness. As a matter of fact we both feel that we would be significantly less happy in a monogamous relationship. It’s not about sex most of the time. It’s about the freedom to be honest with ourselves and each other and the freedom to experience life as we wish as individuals. Things like opposite gender friends, skinny dipping, traveling aren’t a big deal. There is no fear that those might lead to sexual situations, not because it won’t happen but it’s accepted if it does.
How it literally works is we talk about everything. It’s 95% communication and 5% sex. If one of us has some reservations about anything the other person is doing we talk about it. We also work through it ourselves with self reflection “Why does this bother me?” All open relationships have their own set of guidelines. For us the only ones we have right now are we want to marry each other and live with each other. Beyond that there are no hard rules. We do expect and agree that it’s important we are both respected by anyone added. It is also expected that to date on a more than casual basis the new person would have to meet and get along with the other partner. Only because it works better if everyone gets along and doesn’t have to avoid each other.
What’s more important to us than societal imposed relationship dynamics is that we are happy, expressing our needs and wants to each other and negotiating how to get them met.
How it works if you’re asking because you’re interested in dating one of us; you ask the person on a date, if they’re interested they will go on a date with you.

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