dating · polyamory

Why I Don’t Cheat

I’ve fought hard to live honestly as a non monogamous person. Dating around isn’t always fun and reindeer games. There’s men that I’ve really likes that haven’t been ok with it and couldn’t date because I wouldn’t entertain the idea of monogamy. I’ve had to break hearts of guys that thought they could change my mind after we started dating or thought they were into it but turns out they’re not. It’s mostly being honest with myself about what makes me happy.
I used to just be a cheater. I’m talking when I was 20 and younger. The definition of cheating was different back then. It didn’t always mean sleeping with more than one person. Sometimes it meant having more than one boyfriend or kissing another guy. I could have probably done just fine as a cheater. I was pretty good at it, I’ve never been caught. I was still a cheater for a year or two after I discovered polyamory. Then I had to have a come to Jesus moment with myself. What I was doing was shitty. I would justify it to myself by resting on the fact that I was known for cheating and breaking hearts.
I don’t condone cheating and won’t help someone cheat but I won’t patronize someone either. It’s not my job to be the ethics police. Everyone has their reasons why they’re a cheater. I wish everyone could be open and honest with their partners but we don’t live in my perfect world. In the dating world being non mono I’ve gotten approached by my fair share of men cheating on their wives and they assume I’m ok with it. I don’t think it’s ok, it’s hurtful to the other partner, I don’t want to be a part of hurting someone else. Even if they don’t ever find out, it’s still participating in deceit and I would feel bad. So I am choosing to participate in ethical non monogamy. It’s hard work but I’ve earned my honest life and I intend to keep it.

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