2016 has definitely been the year of learning about love. I learned I am capable of loving someone so deeply that my heart feels full and like it could never be filled by anyone else in the world. I learned that love comes in a lot of forms. I learned that love doesn’t mean compatability and that heartbreak is in fact the hardest thing you will have to go through in life.
This year I got my heart broken for the first time. My partner, who was referred to as boyfriend in my prior posts, battles drug addiction. I have his permission to talk about it. For brief moments in time he was still sweet and lovingly stating “if it helps you work through things” to go ahead and do it. The last year has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, very emotional and draining. I built up a lot of resentment as he got worse. It was easy to stay in eachothers lives but less involved for a while. We didn’t live together and didn’t have any joint things and he was mostly his sweet self just very insecure. But he started doing really hurtful things and that was a big turning point.
I am a really understanding person and have seen a lot of addiction. If a person is willing to put in the work they will stay clean. For so long he was worth every minute of waiting for his battle to be over. It was the kind of love where the person touches you everywhere, not in a physical way and they make you feel free. But it never ended and he turned into a far departure from the person I loved. So I had to break my own heart and let him go.
Everything is a lesson if you’re willing to learn. So I’ve learned that love is not fact in all you need. Love doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. Loving yourself is definitely the first step to loving someone else. I can survive heartbreak. Love does not mean you’re compatible. I know how much I can love and how much I can give to another person. I will not be lonely. I can choose to handle this however I want. I’ve been through a lot of shit and I will overcome heartbreak.
Shaming of any kind will not be tolerated. Addiction is serious and an illness not a moral issue. Do some googling before you judge someone else. We wish ex boyfriend the best, far away from me, that’s how I am choosing to handle it.