I’m currently a Secondary and I like it. We don’t actually subscribe to the hierarchy labels but for the sake of talking about my current dynamic in simple terms, I’m going to use it.
This is the first time I’ve been in a dynamic where my anchor partner is in an established long term relationship. I’ve been a secondary before and had them before but having an anchor partner where I’m their secondary is new. I love it and I’m not surprised that I do. I have no desire to live with or build a life with someone. I love my freedom and independence, I like living alone, I like sleeping in my own bed, I like not worrying about what someone else is doing for dinner everyday or scheduling around them.
His ltr is 4 times longer than my longest nesting partner type relationship. I really enjoy hearing about all the cute things couples who have been together forever so for each other. It’s very sweet and fills my compersion bucket.
In terms of communication and boundaries the actual dating other people is the same. Scheduling is still a thing. I think it’s a pretty idea set up and is feeling perfect for me right now. I recommend everyone try it at least once.